I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Found the puke drawer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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