I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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