He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
3 2 1 whiskey
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
