She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
