Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
