Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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