I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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