Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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