you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
