Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
