I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
