If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How does one acquire holy water?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
