i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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