I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
