I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
