Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mom said you looked used
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
