I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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