We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
