but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize