Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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