When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
