just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize