what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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