Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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