Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize