im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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