You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
