Capitaan dildo arrescate!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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