i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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