he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize