Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
