I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
