Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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