can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
