i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
