Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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