I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
