i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
