that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
