No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
