I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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