I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
