This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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