I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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