I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
