mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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