i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize