Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
