I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
