When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize