Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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