Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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