Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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