when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize