I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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