I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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