Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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