hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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