Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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