my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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