He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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