He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
