I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sext me about skeletons
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
