if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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