His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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