If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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