I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
