Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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