my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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