There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I AM VODKA MAN
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
