Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize