It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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